Understanding My Inner Conflict: What Part of Me Moves Forward and What Part Pulls Back?
Below is a structured clinical homework plan integrating:
Kurt Lewin’s Conflict Theory (Approach–Avoidance & Double Approach–Avoidance)
Gestalt “Parts of Self” work
Anger regulation
Dependency vs autonomy themes
Boundary formation
Nervous system awareness
Homework Plan: Anger, Dependency & Internal Conflict
Part 1: Lewin’s Conflict Model — Map the Internal Conflict
Psychoeducation (brief for client)
According to Kurt Lewin, psychological stress often results from internal conflicts such as:
Approach–Avoidance Conflict
(I want something, but it also hurts me.)Double Approach–Avoidance Conflict
(Both options have positives and negatives.)
Exercise 1: Identify Your Conflict
Situation: Being home with parents/grandmother.
Fill this out in writing:
A. What do I WANT about being home?
To feel missed
To feel loved
To feel included
To feel supported
To feel like a daughter, not a burden
B. What HURTS about being home?
Lack of structure
Food insecurity/boundary violations
Emotional neglect
Feeling unwanted
Being blamed
Grandma’s provocations
Now answer:
Is this an Approach–Avoidance conflict?
Or Double Approach–Avoidance?
Example reflection:
“I want connection, but I experience rejection. I want independence, but I still need support.”
Part 2: Gestalt Work — Identify Your Parts
Gestalt therapy sees personality as composed of parts in tension.
Exercise 2: Name Your Parts
Identify at least 4 parts of yourself:
The Angry Protector
Yells
Explodes
Fights back
Says “this is unfair”
The Abandoned Child
Wants to feel missed
Feels unloved
Feels invisible
The Responsible Adult
Buys groceries
Tries to problem-solve
Seeks fairness
The Dependent Teen
Needs transportation
Needs structure
Feels trapped
Write:
What does each part want?
What is each part afraid of?
When does each part take control?
Part 3: Chair Dialogue (Gestalt Technique)
Using two chairs:
Chair 1: Angry Protector
Chair 2: Abandoned Child
Speak from each part.
Example prompts:
Angry Protector:
“If I don’t yell, nobody will respect me.”
Abandoned Child:
“I don’t want to fight. I just want to feel wanted.”
Then integrate:
“What would a Wise Adult part say to both?”
Part 4: Nervous System Awareness
When triggered:
Where do you feel it?
Chest?
Jaw?
Shoulders?
Stomach?
Rate intensity 0–10.
Then:
Leave the room
Do 90 seconds of slow breathing (inhale 4, exhale 6)
Delay response by 5 minutes
Goal: Interrupt reenactment pattern.
Part 5: Boundary Practice (Non-Engagement Strategy)
You are currently engaging in escalation cycles.
New rule:
When insult begins → exit without explanation
Script options:
“I’m not continuing this.”
“We can talk later.”
Leave.
No tone correction. No arguing facts. No defending.
Part 6: Autonomy Plan (Reduce Dependency Stress)
List 3 concrete steps toward autonomy:
Financial independence steps
Transportation plan
Living arrangement plan
Summer job savings goal
Write:
“When I am financially independent, what emotional shift do I imagine will happen?”
Part 7: Reframe the Narrative
Complete these sentences:
My parents’ emotional limitations mean __________.
My grandmother’s provocations likely serve __________.
When I react explosively, I am protecting __________.
When I don’t react, I feel __________.
Weekly Reflection Questions
When did I successfully not engage?
What triggered me most?
Which part of me was active?
Did I choose reaction or regulation?
Did I conserve or lose energy?
Core Clinical Goals
Increase emotional regulation window
Reduce reenactment of childhood dynamics
Separate “need for love” from “demand for reaction”
Build autonomy without aggression
Strengthen Wise Adult part
